Yesterday was a painful day, It started off at 8am, Was having breakfast with my maid for the last time, almost teared but managed to control it. So while she's doing the last pack up, i saw her sobbing inside the room, the grit broke, and i started tearing. Tried to cover up by washing my face just to look brave. But sooner of later, i can't control it anymore, i started sobbing alone in my room, took me awhile before i brace myself to send her to my uncle's car. Took a cab to the airport and said my last goodbye. That goodbye was a teary one, tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. Took a last look at her and said goodbye. She told me to behave myself and stop argueing wif my brother. My heartbroke as i turn away.
Went to church straight and met Matthew, i couldn't keep my mind not thinking of Aunty Esther, after 1hour of drum lesson, it was time for youth. I guess i shocked the youth, when i teared halfway. Sorry for scaring you guess, really didn't mean to.
Went home, couldn't sleep, so i went into her room and sit there for a moment, recalled 17 years of teaching, caring, caning, scolding. I couldn't do anything but sob my hearts out this time. Felt so much better.
I don't know why, I'm just felt I am missing something in myself, it's the worst feeling i ever had, though i still could joke around, my heart is nevertheless tearing. I guess i just need time.
Lord, I really need your comfort Lord, I can't stand this feeling of pain anymore, Hold me in your arms oh God, I pray that you will heal my emotional being oh Lord, I pray you would bless Aunty Esther oh Lord, Grant her all her need oh Lord. In Jesus Name i Pray.